Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
