i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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