Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
