Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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