You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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