Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..

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(906): View more from Michigan

Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?

(1-906): View more from Michigan

It's okay.

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(863): View more from Florida

I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.

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(905): View more from Ontario

they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

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(407): View more from Florida

It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!

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(616): View more from Michigan

I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.

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