11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
