Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
