When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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