Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
