but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
