So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
