Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
