I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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