i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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