You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
