dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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