Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
