guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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