Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
