I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
is that a dick in a sweater?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize