Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
