His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize