just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
