ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize