Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Vodka?
Forever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
