I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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