dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize