I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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