Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
