Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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