Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
