No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
