Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
