Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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