I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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