you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
