Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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