a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
