so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
