no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
