I think I died a long time ago.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
