Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
