i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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