so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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