thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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