Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
