He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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