its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
