Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
