My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
