There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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