I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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