THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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