Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize