Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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