five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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