I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
