a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
barbara walters just said penis...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
