so explain again why im purple
no
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
