A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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