Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
