Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
