it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
