The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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