just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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