I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
