So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
