Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
