thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
