do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
