You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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