He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
