It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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