Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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