She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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