and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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