Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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