i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
