i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
