u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
