I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
