Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
