you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
