also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My cat gives me a boner
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
