Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
