I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
