I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
