Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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