i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
