I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize