I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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