Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Vodka?
Forever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
