Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
