But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
