So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How naked do you want me to be?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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