i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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