I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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